(Adapted from a book stolen from a hotel bedroom drawer. Thanks to the Authors, too many to mention.)
At the start, the Big Yin, brought aboot up rerr and doon here. An doon here wis sod all, and all the lights were oot. So the Big Yin says,"put the lights oan rerr"and here did the lights no go oan!
The Big yin saw rat and sez "rerr, sorted" "Ah'll keep that dark bit though and call that the night and when they lights are oan Ah'll call rat the day!"
So the Big Yin then sez "Whit aboot big Swimmin' baths, wi wee islands on them?", and here did they wee islands no appear in the swimmin' baths!
"Here!"sez the Big Yin, "they dry bits cin be the earth, an Ah'll rename that swimmin' pool tae somehin simple, erm, like, aw just a letter will do it, how aboot 'C'? Aye that'll be grand... 'C' it is!"
"Here, Ah'm fair gettin' the hang o' this", says the Big Yin,"It's braw" But the Big Yin noticed some things were still missing!
"Right", he sez, "Ah'll dae some gardenin'! Bit B&Q's shut so I'll hae to do it masel!", and here did there no sprout some grass and stuff oot the grun, and they even hud oranges and apples oan em!
"You know", he thinks,"They trees look nicer wi leaves oaf them, but ah cannie decide so I'll make them faw aff once in a while, and then even grow some o' them aipples and oranges 'n' that as well. Aye that's a good idea!" So he decides, tae sort oot the seasons 'n' that, while he's at it...
Right, noo it's day four, and ah hope yer payin' attention cos Ah'll be asking ye questions later!
"Ah fancy a hamster!", thinks the Big Yin, "then again, this place is huge so whit aboot a zoo? Aye a zoo's a good idea", so oot o' that 'C' comes hamsters, guinea pigs, and even they wee hairy things ye see scurryin' aboot in yer bins. Bit some o' the beasties stayed in the swimmin' pool, an the Big Yin calls 'em fish, an sum 'o them beasties even start floatin' aboot in the sky!!! . Noo ah know whit yer thinkin, it's that 'grass' the Big Yin's hud! but hell naw, these hings are flying aboot themsels, so he calls them burds. (No to be confused wi, Glesga burds.)
Then the Big Yin, fancies a McDonalds, so he makes coos and chickens and stuff, on the fifth day... must be that 'grass' that's gave him the muchies? Anyhoo that's whit he does.
The Big Yin sez, "Ah need pals tae watch the hoose while 'am away!", so he makes these guys that look like him, and he sez tae them, "There's loadsa coos fer burgers (or chickens fer KFC) an ye's can huv a swim in the pool as well!
"nae borra", says the big yin, "ah'm gawn fer a good drinkin' sesh. Then the morra, ah'm gettin' ma heed doon, Ah'm scunnered!"
So, on the Seventh Day he got his heed doon, and he decided that everybody should get there heeds doon oan that Day fae noo on. (or watch the Omnibus Eastenders)
IN PART TWO: The Big Yin, finds oot the name o' one o' his pals (Adam), and makes a terrible decision! Yes, he creates woman!: (Wee Effie). An' he finds a snake in the grass, in mair ways than one!
Stolen from an Idea by Billy Connolly, who does the later parts of this story in a video or tape or summat!